We listened to your voicemails. Here’s what you said. (PART 3)

published on July 2, 2020


-I'm just laying in my bed,

I saw this number,
so decided to call it

-You're like the only person
I've talked to

and you're not even a person

-It's crazy Sometimes I feel
like life is a dream

-I am a therapist, and I have
never seen anything like this

People are losing it

-I'm bored!

-It's been like a month
into quarantine or some crap

I'm starting to see shadow
people around my house

I'm the only one living here
and I'll just wake up

and here comes Shadow Dude
crawling across my floor

-I really miss my grandma

-I don't even know
why I'm calling

Maybe just to bitch

-Man, this is some bullshit

-I'm pregnant and my husband

doesn't get to come to
the hospital with me

or to the doctor's appointment
with me

to experience the life
growing inside of me

I'm almost worried that
I'll have to give birth alone

[ Sighs ]

-I just don't understand
why people are so comfortable

bein' around each other
with no mask

And I'm sitting in the house,
wondering when the fuck

I'm gonna get out
And then they complain

They complain because
they don't want to be

in the house with
their families

If you hate your
families that much,

you need to get new families
or you shouldn't have

made a family in
the first place

-I have been called many names
for not wearing a mask

and not following protocol

I am not following protocol
Fuck that

I am not giving up my rights

COVID-19 is the biggest
hokey pokey I have ever seen

-Please, for the love of God,
be nice

to that McDonald's
worker at the drive thru

Respect the person
handing you your latte

through the drive thru window

-Shout out to all
the small businesses

trying to stay
in business and shit

If this taco spot goes out
of business,

I'mma be fucking hot and I'm not
gonna be fucking happy

with this fucking world

-When do we realize
that the American dream

is no longer alive?

These are not normal times

We are not ever going back
to normal

And as such, now is the time
to innovate

-I just want to go
to the movies

Honestly, like, I would watch

the shittiest fuckin'
movie right now

at a movie theater

-If you guys are bored and
you can't find anything to do,

I suggest buying a plant

It'll add some life
to your apartment or your house

and it'll give you something
to do during the day

Who knew I would get a green
thumb during the quarantine?

-For years I had kind of dreamed
about being left alone

to be free to create

Now that I've done that,
I realize

that it's kind of worthless

unless you have someone
to share it with

And I don't

Once this is over,
I don't think

I'll ever want to
cut myself off from anyone

I'd be happier with
a miserable job

as long as I could
come home to someone

-After that, I definitely
won't be taking people's company

for granted again

-To the guy that was fishing
on a boat by himself

in the middle of the lake
wearing a mask,

you, sir, are a gem
National treasure

We shouldn't let you go, sir

-I just want to thank
all the doctors and the nurses

They're givin' up their daily
lives to help us through this

Everybody from that guy
in the gas station

to that construction worker
working out there Thank you

-I've learned a lot of things
about myself

I've learned a lot of things
about myself

that I just really don't like

And I've learned a lot
of things about myself

that I love and
and I won't change

-I think coronavirus is probably
one of the greatest things

to ever happen to humanity
in the last hundred years

We value our friendships
more now

than we ever have
in the past 10 years

-I'm really scared
that when fall comes,

everything won't go back
to normal,

even though I don't even know
what normal looks like anymore

-I know there are plenty
of stoners out there

that are lonely right now
that can't pass a joint

to their best friend

I'm gonna take a bong rip
for you guys

Just to feel
a little less alone

[ Water bubbling ]

Cheers, lonely stoners

Then we'll get
through this, boys

-We're about to have
the biggest world party

when this is over, guys

Who doesn't want a
party after this?

-Shit's tough
But we'll make it through

[ Beeps ]

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