Toilet Paper Splitting Machine

published on July 9, 2020

Double double toil and trouble short onTP while your guts make bubbles orperhaps the people you live with thinktoilet paper grows on treeswait this week we're going to show youhow to instantly double your toiletpaper stash from the safety of your own

Hometo craft the marvelous machine we'vedubbed the TP splitter 1350 you're gonnaneed a cutting board or some wood someunsheathed paint rollers like these andsome type of rigid metal spike start by

Positioning the roller at the edge ofyour cutting board once you've got thatin placefeel free to snag a length of strongtape and secure the handle right to theboard using your tape strap secure the

Second roller on the other side makesure you're maintaining a socialdistance of at least six inchessix-and-a-half on a good dip for astronger hold try some clamps to keepthe rollers in place the only difference

Is that the rollers will be much closerto the edge however they'll last a lotlonger than tape with the rollers nowsecured watch and cheer disbelief asthey transform into glorious but paperspindles ah

That being said go grab some empty TProlls from your local receptacle aswe'll be needing some of those in asecond to make a toilet paper mount justmeasure the width of the board and findthe center you'll want this to be at

Least eight inches away from the rollersyou have a couple options here you coulduse a long metal screw or justcannibalize a power tool for its handlewe'll show you both ways using a drillbore into the wood at your marked

Location you can go all the way throughif you'd like but it really won't benecessary when you're about halfwaythrough you can stop drilling it clearaway the dust if you use the right drillbit size then the screws should go into

The hole with relative ease and it'll bejust fine as your teepee holder but itdoes lack the width to prevent the rollfrom having a sort of awkward rotationif you're looking for a much moreefficient version grab something a bit

More robust and use that instead next tomake the spindles function you're gonnaneed a large rubber band slide thatslinky thing right over the top and downto the base of the rollersit's okay if the tension pulls things in

Just a bit but make sure to flatten thatband out so that everything staysconsistent as you give it a test spinyou'll notice that a lot like myneighbors the rubber band is refusing toshelter in place in this is unacceptable

To remedy this awkward situation youknow what time it is get that hot glueout while slowly spinning the rollerbuild that wall of glue right above yourrubber bands happy home you may have togo around twice but when you're done

Just reposition your band and drop someglobs on the other roller as well allright looking pretty good with ourbarrier in place our pulley is now fullyfunctional and you can be assured thedriving belt will stay put before

Pushing the payload stick somedouble-sided tape on the outside ofthose empty rolls that I asked you toget earlier tell me you got him whenthat's done slide them onto the spindlefor safekeeping you could also use duct

Tape by applying a small strip andleaving one side folded out we don'treally recommend this though as itdoesn't stick to the cardboard very wellbut sticks to the toilet paper a littletoo well this will cause problems later

With everything in placepartially unravel your full roll andcautiously separate the layers of toiletpaper just enough to reach both spindlesyou're going to carefully attach eachone to the double sided tape that you

Just added kind of like this make surethat it's on there nice and securelybefore you continue on with the processusing a metal spike specifically agolden one try and locate where thepaper begins to separate from tension

You want this to be as natural aspossible so try out a couple spotsbefore you make a final decisionotherwise you'll end up with a bunch ofholes like this twist that spike intoplace and give it a little wrap to make

Sure it's got a good grip to go alongwith that silky fluff with that done youcan place your rolls back onto thespindles before giving it a test runlooks great so far but there is onefinal piece that's right a door hook how

Did you know by sliding the squared endover the spindles cap and giving it alittle bend it immediately becomes anideal handle for your TP separator fivethousand don't have a door hookit's wrong with you I guess you can use

Some vice grips even though they mightbe too bulky for this particularapplication if you don't like the ideaof spinning this TP into pure gold byhandfeel free to scare up any spare parts

You've got around and use those as amakeshift handle instead just slide thewidget into your hook and away you gomight as well call this thing a cashmachine because it looks like we've gota $20 profit here already in all honesty

The rolls aren't going to come out astightly as the original but they are instellar condition to be used resold orhoarded in your tissue collection underyour pet oh and the best part about theTP separator eight thousand four hundred

And sixty seven is that it's soinconspicuous that no one will evennotice you bringing it into theirbathroom to bum a few squares on the lowits need before greed so keep yourselfin check but in the event suspicion is

Raised just claim dysentery and re-rollsome toilet paper thank you so much fortuning in to this week's episode ofquarantine quandary we'll be back at younext week with more interesting andunique items that will help you get

Through the day oh and if you have sometime right now click that thing on yourscreen for endless amounts of fun seeyou next time

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