The Hobbit is more hip-hop and satanic than you think

by birtanpublished on July 2, 2020

There is no shortage of songs about the Hobbit
and Lord of the Rings Zeppelin, Sabbath,

Rush, and so on et cetera But let's get deep
Real-ass Hobbit music

For some reason, every classic rock band ever
wrote a song about Bilbo Baggins, and

I am bored by this

No seriously I don't want to hear another
jangly space jam that's just long hairs ripping

bowls and then singing about wizards and Mordor and plateaus of evil

Tolkien's fantasy tomes were well-covered
by the heshers of yore

But today — actually let's just give Lenard Nimoy
a minute here —

Now that that's out of the way — today we
have a whole new generation of Hobbit-loving

musicians, and some of them are Oscar-nominated
gifts from God like Gary Busey

Yes, Gary, I do see what you mean Earlier
in that video he actually licks a persevered

hobbit's foot and insists Usher record that
song He might have to better luck with

Lords of the Rhymes

Lords of the Rhymes are two hobbits from the
humble shire of New York City with a clear

affinity for the Beastie Boys They are fucking

Hobbit hail from Tyler, Texas They formed
in the '70s, recorded in the '80s, and didn't

release any music until the turn of the millennium
Worth the wait

I love Hobbit They are the Rodriguez of East
Texas boogie rock,

and one day you will all know it

If you're following along, you won't be surprised
how many contemporary metal bands are eyeball-deep

in Tolkien lore But unlike their dick-wagging,
floppy-haired predecessors, they are


Gorgoroth are named after a region of Mordor
They also have performed surrounded by severed sheep's

heads with naked people tied to crosses
while dousing themselves in 80 liters of sheep's blood

Blind Guardian are less spooky — they just
can't stop writing songs about our boy Bilbo

They have a record called "Nightfall
in Middle Earth" They have spent a decade

writing an orchestral version of Lord
of the Rings They are cool dudes

There's literally an entire subgenre of power
metal — sometimes called fantasy metal — that

rolls deep with Hobbit references And
Christopher Lee — Saruman — has an entire

side career in heavy metal

Yeah, dude just needs his own episode

What's your favourite Hobbit-y jam? Let us
know in the comments, and be sure to subscribe

for more This Exists every week You can check out links to all of these videos in the description

And may
the hair on your toes never fall out

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