Strawberry Daiquiri – You Suck at Cooking (episode 94)

published on July 17, 2020

You suck at cooking yeah you totally suck Today we're gonna make a strawberry daiquiri, also known as blended rum smoothie, also known as bloody sugarcane juice, also known as an adult Slurpee, also known as sweet inebriation sauce, also known as drunken berry brainfreeze surprise

We're gonna make this daiquiri with frozen strawberries Freezing is the original preservative and it keeps the berries fresh by slowing down time and the great thing about frozen berries is that they have the ice built into them already Frozen berries have the same nutrients that fresh berries do at their peak of ripeness because they're frozen when they're fully ripe and their nutrients get glacially locked

We're also gonna use wild limes which have the best flavor of all of the limes We wanna find a good lime nest and just *chimes* Just grab any of the limes that have a really deep dark green color *hisses* OH SHIT IT'S THE LIME MOM WE'RE ALL GONNA F****** DIE OH MY GOD I'M F****** DEAD RUN AHHH

And once you've calmed down from that debacle and learned your lesson about stealing lime babies, we're gonna make some fresh, pressure-distilled rum If you can't get the fresh stuff go ahead and buy a bottle of the stuff from the store or from your local pirate You're gonna need a blender to make this drink unless you have a fistful of knives and

Unprecedented burst strength If your blender isn't too powerful you might wanna let these berries thaw a bit before trying to blend them because they are very similar to frozen rocks which are difficult to blend when cold We're gonna throw 21 ounces or 600 grams of frozen strawberries in there 8 ounces of rum and the juice of a full lime

We'll blend that up until it's slush then take a sip and realize it needs another half of lime blend again and then you can pour your drunky slosh mixture into a glass The alcohol in the rum preserves those crucial free radicals as the sloppy berry slush makes its way from

The glass to your mouth Now for whatever reason you should have known to keep a couple of those frozen strawberries behind because you're gonna need a garnish The garnish is used to that the daiquiri drinker can easily identify the beverage (distorted) Oh look it's a strawberry daiquiri, not a roasted red pepper margarita, or a blended radish spritz, I think I'll have a sip *slurps*

Now when you're done your daq, resist the temptation to stack, or they might end up splashing splatter with the glass all cracked Just open your face flap and trap it in your digestive tract then make a whole vat, slap a few more back, then throw another batch down the hatch until the itch has been scratched and all the daqs have been thoroughly dispatched

♪ oh no, what have you done ♪ you tried to steal the lime babies ♪ now you better run ♪ too late to realize what you did was wrong ♪ because, nobody f**** with the Lime Mom ♪ The Lime Mom's pissed and she's comin fast

♪ You better drop her babies and step on the gas ♪ It's your last chance to get away you better run full blast or it's over today, yeah ♪ RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN ♪ from the Lime Mom ♪ RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN *symbols*

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