Romantic Chocolate Chip Cookies – You Suck at Cooking (episode 85)

published on July 20, 2020

If you're watching this with your significant other it's time to turn to each other and repeat after me: I love you *I love you* but let's be honest *but let's be honest* we're basically friends pretending it's still there

*we're basically friends pretending it's still there* and pretending is for children *and pretending is for children* which means we're still in touch with our youth *which means we're still in touch with our youth* and therefore our relationship is strong

*and therefore our relationship is strong* but only really as friends *but only as friends* that used to have sex *that used to have sex* but never will again

*but never will again* happy valentine's day sweetie pumpkin muffin huffin puffin

Crumplin dumplin YOU SUCK AT ~ROMANCE~ YEAH YOU TOTALLY SUCK Okay if you made it survived that, congratulations

Your relationship is in a really good place or you're in super deep denial – both equally difficult accomplishments Good job You're gonna need: one cup of packed brown sugar,

One fork, half a cup of melted butter We're gonna mix this together the old fashioned way which is clockwise You could just quit and eat that with a spoon Whoa I just whistled

You're gonna take Woops! one teaspoon of pure vanilla extract, one egg that doesn't have a personality, get those mixed up till you got this buttery rich caramel-y sauce

Look at that! Don't you wanna just eat a spoonful of this? No you don't cos there's raw egg in it Now we're gonna take one and a half cups of all purpose flour, a quarter teaspoon of baking soda, and half a teaspoon of salt

Wangjangle that together with something that's got some good mustard stains on it Why don't you guess what happens next? WRONG! What we're gonna do is start to combine all these ingredients into one thing

You thought we were gonna bake them separately but you're dumb So for once we've got a pretty good dough here then we're gonna take a whole cup of chocolate chips, aahh yeah! So many chocolate chip cookies are under chocolate chipped

That ends now! Alright so I've pre-parchment papered this pan You can use a regular pan and add the parchment paper after if you want to and then we're just gonna take not even ping pong ball size really

When I made these earlier I could only fit 6 I feel like I've shrunken the time space reality Okay, undo's on three seventy fundo ~Good journey~ *ding* Alright

So they're juuust starting to get a little golden That might be too much but you decide, there's lots of leeway here you can go: less cooked more chewy, more cooked less chance of getting salmonella Congratulations!

You're a romantic person if you've baked someone cookies It's such a nice thing to do But there are other options for example: If you wanna be super romantic, a heart cookie says:

"I have some pretty good feelings about you but I also don't have an original bone in my body and I just do what the corporations tell me to do and by the way I love you sweetie honey pumpkin pie darling so much" Or bake a cookie in the shape of a car to say

"baby I love you so much let's go on a road trip" or "sometimes I wish I could just get in the car and drive and drive and drive and NEVER look back *inhales* happy valentine's day I love you"

Or bake your cookie into the shape of a hammer to say "babe, you're so handy around the house I really appreciate how you fix all the stuff that's broken" or "For Christ's sake, Jason! Would you mind fixing the back deck finally

Instead of step on a nail and get lock jaw happyvalentine'sdayiloveyou" *crunch crunch* *tap tap tap* Or make a cute little baby to say "honey, I think it's time we start a family"

Or "You are sooo F#&KING IMMATURE I'm not even mad at you, I'm mad at myself for not being able to see it in advance

And now I can't even bring it up because then I'll have to admit that I've been resenting this aspect of you for YEARS *inhales* which will just make me feel vulnerable which is so unfair

Cos you're the living child happy valentine's day" But look, whatever cookie you choose, just remember that in the end there's really nothing more romantic than honesty Honesty is the best thing for

Being honest probably not the best thing for feeling good in the short term but you'll probably be better off in the long term pretty sure or at least I know someone who's a psychiatrist who would probably repeat that if I forced them to

Happy Valentine's Day Brought to you by finger guns and agave juice ♫ Relationships are weird ♫ ♫ They're usually good for about a year ♫ ♫ Until you start getting to the difficult stuff ♫

♫ Then you feel like you've had enough oh god ♫ ♫ Don't give up unless it really sucks ♫ ♫ In which case steal their truck ♫ ♫ You suck at being romantic ♫ ♫ But maybe if you worked at it just a little bit ♫ ♫ You wouldn't suck so bad ♫

♫ So make some chocolate chip cookies tonight ♫ ♫ Oh my god you suck ♫

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