Porn Stars Stoya, Asa Akira & More on Sex Education | Iris

published on July 2, 2020

if we had better sex Edie I don't think

we would sit around and wonder if you

know

oh is that what sex is supposed to look

like like we don't watch fast and

furious and think like oh that's how I'm

supposed to drive all the time

some people expect porn stars to be sex

educators and there are people who are

porn stars and sex educators I'm not one

of them and most of us are not we're not

claiming to be qualified to be sex

educators and we didn't sign up for that

sex workers and porn performers are put

in a very interesting place where we are

called on to be both both sex educators

and entertainers in general porn should

not have a responsibility to be a sex

education sex education should have the

responsibility to be sex education it

should be age-appropriate comprehensive

risk aware sex edie and it's such a

disservice that we don't teach it

adequately and then porn becomes a

scapegoat because oh well here's an

example of people having sex and there's

no literacy context behind the fact that

a lot of it a good majority of porn is

about fantasy so when you have no

context to what you're seeing and you're

and you're just free free ball and

looking importantly it's difficult to

contextualize sex in that way whorin

does have the potential to make people

feel like their desires are within the

range of normal as long as pornography

is a thing that were secretive about and

a thing that we're ashamed of anything

that we sometimes punish people for

having done it's not going to inherently

help people feel less ashamed when I

started getting some mainstream porn

roles right a commercial porn roles my

thought was that I would get folks from

like maybe like you know queer lesbian

and non-binary communities contacted me

and and I do and I and I did as well but

what I didn't expect was that I would

get emails from sis men who were

surprised that they found me sexy

because I didn't fit the normal

sort of you know cultural signifiers of

what opponents are look like maybe it

was my body hair maybe it was I didn't

have you know large breasts or maybe it

was how I how I engage with my my scene

partner and the way the mannerisms that

I had so their emails to me surprised me

because I wasn't a I wasn't really

expecting to get emails from men really

and then be because they were asking

like so if I'm attracted to you does

that make me gay because you look kind

of like a man so when I got to kind of

have these exchanges with folks where

you know I was able to tell them about

the Klein grid and talk about gender

sexuality and like break apart really

what sex education if it's comprehensive

should be talking about gender and

sexuality but I got to be that like

entry point for them and I'm like you

know here's a book here's this link I do

like those engagements with people when

they are when they're genuinely

interested in learning and and I find

that valuable a straight white dude in

their 50s has a polite question about

something they know they don't

understand like that's stunning

better than a sunset welcome by and

sometimes their wife is the one who has

to kind of like ask you a question but

sometimes they they don't need a prompt

and then they're like can you tell me

what is cisgender and why are we using

it now we've been taught a lot of like

untrue things about sex in general and

we don't know how to talk about sex as

at least Americans as a culture we just

don't know how to talk about sex at all

and so I think people because they don't

know anything about sex and because

they're uncomfortable about talking

about sex they've created this idea

about it where it's like this big ugly

like scary like demon thing I get asked

all the time like Oh what if a young boy

saw a really rough anal scene of yours

and just assumed that that's what girls

want and it's like if we had better sex

education we would know that young

I would know that there's all different

kinds of sex and you know this is not

the one-way sex is supposed to be I

don't think that porn is the sole reason

for rape culture our society is the

reason for rape culture it's like

putting a band-aid on a broken leg like

so yes people will talk about porn and

people will say that porn is the reason

why people why like rape culture is so

prevalent but the reason is we

conditioned men to not respect consent

and we conditioned women to be afraid

and when in situations where they do

feel they're in danger they will use

compliance as a means of surviving or

trying to mitigate harm I think it's

difficult not to look at porn with some

sort of information you know hunger but

you know what am i watching how does

that relate to me what are my thoughts

about it do I find that sexy do I look

like that but it's never gonna fill the

shoes that a proper sex education would

and I think that it's severely unfair to

scapegoat it just because it's an

example of explicit sex

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