Mothers and Daughters Ages 6 to 89: What Do You Wish She Understood? | Iris

published on July 2, 2020

we kind of feel like we get each other

is that okay no what is it


when I say no it's because I'm really

just trying to protect her or it's just

not the right time and no means no I

understand no and I'm not always hungry


your turn probably that I'm not a

superwoman that I need hope sometimes

every once in a while there will be like

a moment when I didn't respond as

quickly like over text or something and

I'm like well I was doing I was hanging

out with my friends and then I wasn't

looking to paying attention to my phone

and I know that for you that's you just

keeping track of me like obviously

you're trying to understand that like

I'm safe I can think of something she

can you got me like honestly she gets me


I mean living together for 18 years

there's a lot of things that I need to

take care of being alone and being a

widow and different pressures add up and

I try to hide those things from her and

so she doesn't worry about it and so

sometimes when I'm quiet I it's not like

a mad it's not like I just I just need

to be able to think I try really really

really hard to be patient and I know I'm

not always good at it but I really do

try I wish she understood that I'm kind

of my own person I make my choices even

though sometimes she may not agree with

them and that ideal for the consequences

so even though I'm her daughter I am an

adult and and I'm making a life for

myself when I say something to your

Marjorie you because I have been there

because mommy been there and definitely

my mother someone that you're going

through the same thing if I say I'm

going to do something

I'm going to do it you don't need to

check up on me all the time

I'd like Aaron to understand the family

dynamic a little bit more I have history

more history that she does with certain

family members and I have my reasons for

behaving in a certain way she's so

empathetic that at times when I do tell

her things that are upsetting me

I like edit a lot of that out because I

don't want to make her upset sometimes

even though it looks like I am giving in

or succumbing I understand it as part of

my role and then I'm okay

sometimes I just want you know her to

listen to hear me out as opposed to

respond you know an answer to my

problems I can be a good listener but

then we started to repeat yourself and

that that begins to be a problem I feel

like I up like I feel like I've

totally like lately in the last nine

years because of my marriage you know

the way it kind of fell apart I exposed

a side of I guess my human nature my

flaws that I wish I could be forgiven

for or I could take back because I did

stupid things and I said things I didn't

mean and I acted out of a side of myself

I didn't even know existed but she had

to witness that all we've been through a

lot of challenging very unexpected times

I do not define myself by relationship I

really am okay with myself so I seek

tolerance of my fears freedom and

independence and okayness being alone

I'm still figuring things out and

sometimes it's hard having a

conversation because I don't want to be

influenced by other perspectives

I wish Jessica understood that I'm not

being judgmental and that when that

happens that we could just stop and

clarify for each other and then start

all over again I think my mom

understands me really well I can see

remote just about everything I don't

share everything with my mom but she

knows me pretty well I don't feel

misunderstood I think at this point

already my daughter understands me right

well like she said I think she's perfect

and I really mean that I really do


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