Hilariously Awful Original iPhone Reviews – 91Tech

by birtanpublished on October 30, 2020

Hey how's it going i'm josh from 91 tech and today we're doing something just a little bit different i had the recent idea to look at some bad iphone reviews and we're not talking any bad iphone reviews but the original iphone and some of the worst most awful takes you will ever ever read about any piece of technology some of these are hilarious and i thought hey i need some content i mean i really like entertaining you the viewer so we're gonna do it today so most of these i found off of this 2016 article from bgr you've probably heard of

Bgr they're very big and very well known for writing just really very good articles such as these beetles survive being eaten by forcing their predator to poop i kind of want to read that i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to save that one for later we won't read entire articles but just go over some of the more poorly aged ones and just pieces from them also before we get into this i'd like to thank skillshare for sponsoring this video of the full ad spot a little bit later

But if you're interested in skillshare and would like to actually learn something during all this quarantined madness the first 1000 people to use the top link in the description below will get two free premium months of skillshare so that's a steal of a deal go for it helps me out helps the channel out and there's a lot of useful things you can learn on there oh you should also join the discord i'm on here and there and you can follow me on twitter at 91 underscore tech for great tweets such as this and this i'm very funny trust me as

Well as instagram for beautiful shots like this and this please go follow me at 91 underscore attack please okay enough stalling let's just get into this so we'll start with probably the most iconic terrible take from the first iphone and it comes from the ceo of microsoft at the time steve balmer i'll let him speak for himself steve jobs goes to mac world and he pulls out this iphone what was your first reaction when you saw that

500 fully subsidized with a plan i said that is the most expensive phone in the world and it doesn't appeal to business customers because it doesn't have a keyboard wow okay yeah this was a really common sentiment back in the day when it came to iphone reviews and i kind of get it uh it seemed weird back then to type on a digital keyboard but it just made practical sense i don't know how people didn't see that earlier because you had all that space

Being taken up by the keyboard that you didn't need if it was a digital keyboard it would be part of the screen which meant a bigger screen on the same size device it's just it feels like common sense now but again things were a lot different uh 13 years ago 500 was a lot for a phone back then i'll admit that uh but it still was a pretty bad take and it doesn't appeal to business customers because it doesn't have a keyboard which makes it not a very good email machine

Well you heard it here folks iphone confirmed to be not a very good email machine not sure how apple will ever recover uh how do you compete with that though you sucked out a lot of the spotlight that reaction though it's like how do you compete with that he's just like what what do you say to me right now we're selling millions and millions and millions of phones a year apple is selling zero phones a year in six months they'll have the most expensive phone

By far ever in the marketplace and let's see you know what's the expression let's see how the competition goes that is just the dumbest way at looking at competition ever we've sold millions of phones and they've sold zero that's like xbox saying hey we're not gonna make a new xbox this year i know sony is but we're not going to and we're not concerned because we've sold millions of xbox ones and sony sold zero ps5s so clearly we're doing well but you know we'll see how it goes believe it or not bomber actually

Remained ceo up until 2014 when he retired windows phone retired pretty shortly after but yeah for all the good bomber must have done for microsoft i mean he was ceo for 14 years this take was not one of them how about the guardians take on it you know the guardian it's a huge media company i'm sure they're quite reasonable uh first before we get into it though can we talk about how terrible this landing page is like when a third of the screen is taken up by

Some dumb privacy statement it really isn't enticing for me to want to read the article but whatever let's read iphone set to struggle apple's much anticipated iphone which goes on sale in the us today will struggle to break into the mainstream because of a lack of 3g connection and low demand for converged devices according to research okay so right off the bat here lack of 3g was a pretty big issue and it's one that apple fixed the next year with the iphone 3g

The low demand for converged devices or in other words combined devices as it says later phone music video player with web and email capabilities they say that there's no demand for this but i i feel like that's not true people often don't know what they want until they see it the ipad is a good example of this it's something that hadn't really been much of a thing before but people watched the commercials on tv and said hey i want that and as a result it did really well so

This is kind of just a dumb take which i guess goes for all of these that's the whole point of this video in the us 60 of mobile phone users already own three or more specialist devices as digital cameras mp3 players and portable media devices yes but how much more convenient would it be if you could have all of that in one pocket just because they already own all of those devices doesn't mean that they wouldn't want to simplify again just really close-minded look at things the rest of the article is pretty

Standard they talk a little bit more about how the lack of 3g would hurt things which it did and how convergence in the market was pretty pointless this simple truth convergence is a compromise driven by financial limitations not aspiration okay in the markets where multiple devices are affordable the vast majority would prefer that so one device fits all again i i disagree with that i think that the iphone made a lot of sense and of course it was brand new so it's hard to completely judge and overall

Although the title is extremely click-baity this isn't the worst article just a little bit close-minded how about techcrunch i'm sure they had a very reasonable take here we are techcrunch the futurist we predict the iphone will bomb wow what the futurist eh until june 29 it's hard to tell too much about the iphone but i can tell you with near certainty one thing the product was almost certainly rushed to market before apple's engineers would have liked now this is actually kind of true steve jobs

Had multiple iphones on stage that he had to keep swapping through to do certain things so he's not completely wrong but this fact wouldn't have been known back then so he was kind of just guessing so they set the release date as june 29 a friday in the last week day of the month this coupled with the fact that apple has never in recent memory released a product on a friday should make everyone say hmm okay uh so why on earth does it matter that it's a friday just because it's a little bit different

I mean the iphone was a little bit different it was a whole new product it releasing on a friday is a very very dumb reason to think it's gonna fail crack screen so they're thinking that the uh the screen would crack and that was very true in fact the first iphone has a lot of problems with dead pixels as well so they're not wrong the keyboard again we see the whole keyboard issue presented worst software idea ever expect there to be absolutely zero demand for a bootcamp

Mobile which would let insane iphone users load up windows mobile on their iphone please don't do it apple i don't know why they brought this up was this something people were thinking would happen because that is very unapple-like but i guess bootcamp was a thing back then so and a relatively new thing at that i guess it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility if ios was a flop or back then iphone os and now for the number one prediction about problems that'll plague the first run of iphones

Battery life yeah you're not wrong but at the same time these are very nitpicky things all of this isn't really reasons the iphone will bomb they're just reasons you think that the iphone isn't going to be great but you're not talking about the fact that it's still a fantastic device compared to everything else that was on the market all you mentioned about the touchscreen is at the cracked screens part where you say that it's going to crack also this line's pretty good and as

Anybody who has ever tossed a wemo nose glass breaks okay that's pretty good but still this was just not a very good look at it and it's for clicks that's what it was for and a lot of articles are like that but it's still just amusing how poorly some of these have aged alright so right off the bat i'm on ad age and they want me to get rid of my ad blocker okay i got rid of the ad blocker and now we have ads yay i hope you're happy at age i'm making you money why the

Iphone will fail convergence devices have a frequent history of failure in the gold rush of 1840 what we're talking about the gold rush okay let's skip through this here okay they're talking about a asset test what the heck does that have to do with the iphone all right prediction number one the iphone will be a major disappointment the hype has been enormous apple says its iphone is literally five years ahead of any other mobile phone and that's completely true the iphone has the potential to be even

Bigger than the ipod well he was right that stock market analyst i think not the ipod is a divergence device an iphone is a convergence device there's a big difference between the two you're right but aren't convergence devices better because then you have everything on one platform alright skipping through a little bit here when the cell phone was first introduced it was called a car phone because it was too big and heavy to lug around you might have thought it would eventually converge with the automobile

It did not instead it diverged and today we have many types of cell phones okay this is a really poor example because cell phones it makes sense that you would use it anywhere so that's just how it had to be it didn't need to converge with the automobile it's just a really dumb look at things every best buy in circuit city is filled with a host of other divergence devices that have been enormously successful the digital camera the plasma tv the wireless email device the personal video recorder

The gps navigation device okay tv really you're putting tv in the same camp as digital camera and wireless email device and the very least the digital camera and wireless email device could be combined here wouldn't that be better prediction number two the media will blame the execution not the concept suppose the iphone is a major disappointment will another convergence failure convince the high-tech industry of its folly highly unlikely once a concept like converges grips the imagination it seldom dies this is such

A stupid look at things innovation is dumb because what we have is fine that's essentially what this is saying like nothing like this had ever been done and no one's talking about the touch screen too what's with that that was a really mind-blowing thing back in 2007. heck it was a mind-blowing thing to me back in like 2012 2011 when i got my first smartphone something i could touch and everything moved on screen are you kidding me these people are while they're looking for clicks how they get these tech journalist jobs will never be clear to

Me okay this is a blogspot article apple iphone debut to flop product to crash in flames the iphone is going to fail because its design is fundamentally flawed the designers and technophiles who encourage development of the iphone have fallen into the trap of all overreaching hardware and software designers thinking that their users are like themselves as i wrote in my own book you should go buy it by the way your user is not you the iphone's designers have forgotten

This fundamental law of the universe the market will severely punish them for doing so okay you're right the user is not you which is why the iphone was designed to be really simple it had a simple grid layout it was not complicated i have three specific reasons why the iphone's design will cause it to crash in flames the way apple's late and unlamented newton did okay bringing the newton into it they didn't have jobs at that point so only much more loudly and publicly

Because of all the hype it's gotten first the iphone ignores the main reason that the ipod succeeded simplicity and ease of use he keeps saying this but he's not describing why it's not easy to use second the iphone crams too many functions in a single box yes having too many features is a bad thing and it can be if you look at samsung's they're often bloated with just way too many options but the iphone wasn't it was fairly simplistic it just was capable of doing all the things you would need multiple devices for

Third and this is the best one users will detest the touch screen interface due to its lack of tactile feedback using a thumb keyboard as on the very popular trio phone allows the users to feel the keys and know subconsciously that he's about to press this one and not the one next to it a touch screen doesn't allow that so the user will have to be looking at the keyboard at all times while using it okay so with a physical keyboard how do you know that you're hitting the

Correct key sure you can feel the key but how do you know that that one say the a how do you know maybe it's not but you do know because muscle memory this guy is completely not taking into account that humans are smart maybe not intentionally but the subconscious is at least and before you know it you're going to be texting really quickly not even having to look at the keyboard because you're just used to doing it the same reason we can type on a computer at 100 words per minute or

Whatever have no problem with it he says some other dumb stuff but honestly that's probably enough from this guy big yikes that's all i could say big yikes so there's no article for this but it's a guy from bloomberg matthew lin the big competitors in the mobile phone industry such as nokia and motorola inc won't be whispering nervously into their clam shells over a new threat to their business the iphone is nothing more than a luxury bobble that will appeal to a few gadget freaks in terms of its impact on

The industry the iphone is less relevant and how are people so dumb apple was a big company at this point them making a phone was enough for there to be at least moderate success clearly being a big company doesn't mean everything i mean look at the zune it flopped despite it being from microsoft but still saying that it's only going to appeal to a few gadget freaks is just really really dumb and close-minded john c dvorak i don't know who this is but it's on a website called market

Watch apple should pull the plug on the iphone right because when you fail just give up and the iphone didn't even fail so so he starts off by saying that the only reason the ipod really succeeded is because it was marketed well that's really dumb it succeeded because it was a very slick device which has to do with marketing and apple did advertise it a lot but it was also a completely new way of listening to music with the scroll wheel and it had software to go

With it in itunes it was a very new concept even though mp3 players were already a thing and he even says it they were cheap junk so clearly the reason the ipod did well was not just because it advertised on tv on billboards and on the internet come on man there is no likelihood that apple can be successful in a business this competitive what apple risks here is its reputation as a hot company that can do no wrong if it's smart it will call the iphone a reference design and pass it to some

Suckers to build with someone else's marketing budget then it can wash its hand of any marketplace failures see they kind of tried this with a motorola itunes phone and that was a disaster motorola just completely screwed that device up and steve jobs was visibly unhappy about it when he was presenting it but yeah this is just a terrible take again saying that apple has no chance at it no chance people love to deal with definitives and the problem with that is

You better be right because otherwise you'll look like an idiot like this guy five reasons not to buy an iphone from the street okay this this one line here apple's new device is nifty but it's hardly revolutionary he starts to talk about how the hardware is beautiful blah blah blah but beyond all the i hype and i mania because you know only apple fanboys would ever be excited about an apple product let's get one thing clear the iphone isn't the future it isn't a

Revolutionary mobile device ushering in a new era wow you're so wrong it hurts at its heart this fancy looking new product is very old-fashioned um i think my ad blocker screen with this thing but the reason it tries to keep apple and at t in control instead of you okay so their first point here is that the iphone was bad because it was exclusive with a t at first that's just dumb i mean yeah i don't like that it was exclusive with a t because it meant that it was stuck in

The states at first but i also don't see it as a huge problem because att was a huge carrier i mean do you really have that much loyalty to a certain carrier over another one he talks about the money how expensive it is apparently it's gonna cost you more than two grand over the next two years you gotta pay for the initial jump and hardware look at the first iphone look at the galaxy fold anytime there's kind of like a new thing you usually have to pay a lot of money for it and that's something that

Customers understood and the iphone 3g fixed that the next year by making it cheaper you can't choose networks okay you already said this more or less where's my third-party software so this would come through a bit later so it didn't have it right out of the gate the app store wasn't a thing so that's fair kind of and i think if i was a tech youtuber back in 2007 i probably wouldn't have recommended buying the iphone simply because it was so new and it wasn't really established yet so this is

A fairly fair reason you can only download media to your iphone while plugged into a computer that's kind of a nitpick especially because most devices were super duper limited even over wifi or cellular network apple did not respond to requests for a comment yesterday would you respond to this guy i don't think i would wow those were some darn bad takes only these people had some kind of online learning platform where they could have gotten smarter and perhaps

Understood the true potential of the iphone if only there had been a website where millions could come together to take the next step in their creative journey a site that offers thousands of inspiring classes for creative and curious people on topics including illustration design photography video freelancing even journalism which these people probably could have used and so much more well lucky for you you don't have to make the same mistakes as these reviewers because such a website

Exists amazing skillshare is a fantastic site that offers lessons on anything you're interested in and with the world being put basically on hold i'd say that's something pretty useful right now i myself am absolutely able to use skillshare learning necessary skills for my job like upping my b-roll and photography game and my editing game for that matter with advanced video editing with adobe premiere and any video editor you can possibly think of for less

Than ten dollars a month with an annual subscription you can fend off your quarantined madness and actually learn something if you're bored you might as well put your time to good use the first thousand of my subscribers to click the top link in the description will get two free premium months of skillshare absolutely free so that you can finally fuel your creativity huge thanks to skillshare for making this video possible and please give skillshare a shot it's really really a very awesome site

There's so much on there it's it's insane and it also helps out the channel quite a bit if you click that link and sign up for the trial at least give it a shot you might really like it but anyways thanks again to skillshare and i think it's a good time as any to wrap this video up thank you so much for watching if you found this video uh funny or interesting or something maybe hit that like button and uh consider subscribing for more content just like this again this is a different type of video for me just uh felt like trying it out

So if you guys want to see more of these casual at my desk type videos like this let me know by uh yeah hitting that like button you can follow me on twitter and instagram 91 underscore tech and again uh join the discord if you want thanks again for watching i'm josh from 91 tech and i will see you all next time you

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