Casually Explained: Making New Friends

published on July 18, 2020

Well it does take just a little bit of time and effort making friends is something that comes incredibly naturally to other people and the problem is that while it seems like something that shouldn't be that hard it's usually the first step that's the

Most difficult for example it's often suggested that you find a meetup group for people with similar interests but when I tried that I quickly realized I don't actually have any interest another instance I thought about enrolling in an

Adult sports league but then I looked at the Facebook photos from last year which brings us the first and most important step of meeting new people show up even if you don't want to which also applies to just about everything in life

Including life itself and if you're like me you have most of your current friends by doing this accidentally for example I made almost all of my current friends in the same way which is by getting put in the same high school socials class by a

Computer the problem is for most adults there's no one to force us to do anything except for ourselves which makes it hard committing to a new activity this is why one of the best ways to incentivize yourself to meet new

People is by saying that you'll buy yourself something nice but only if you force yourself to go out and interact with people consistently for that whole month this technique is called getting a job which is the most common way adults

Make new friends but that's not your cup of tea you can also consider things like dance classes yoga geocaching archery falconry slam poetry horseback riding or kickboxing and then dismiss them entirely after remembering that one

Weird acquaintance you don't want to become for me I found the most luck by simply showing up to more events with my current friends and over time incrementally developing further relationships with their friends or

Regulars at places we always go the problem here is you have to actually talk to people instead of doing a neat activity so you have to have good enough social skills that you can express yourself authentically which brings us

To the second step of meeting new people don't be weird and in my experience I've never met someone who I thought was actually weird but almost everyone is familiar with getting nervous and acting weirdly and I

Found the only way to get over that anxiety is by improving your social skills and then having enough interactions go well that your brain stops worrying the downside here is that you're gonna

Make some mistakes and if you keep going back to the same place and screw things up with someone you're never going to want to go back again in case they're there which is why if you're worried about having a really awkward

Conversation with someone and then running into them later a great way to practice is by volunteering for the make-a-wish Foundation now the reason why it's important to practice your communication is because it allows you

To more effectively be yourself not literally of course because then you'd be at home but in terms of self-expression which is important because people are attracted to other people who are similar to themselves and

To people who have traits they'd like to have as an example when I met my friend Jimmy I wanted to be friends with him because he was sociable funny and outgoing and he wanted to be friends with me because he wanted to bang my

Sister unfortunately for him I didn't have a sister but he said to give it 9 months and this brings us to the third and final step of making new friends which is stop fucking up the second step and the trouble here is that for a third

Party it can actually be indistinguishable from the alternative and much more wholesome third step of the friendship formula which is fucking up the second step on purpose and well you can certainly tell how good a

Friend's you are with someone by what you feel comfortable talking about before you can come out with inside jokes and might hidden insecurities your rapport has to be built gradually as you each take turns adding another layer and

Another layer until you can eventually go for it and when it comes to a to actually get there there's certainly a strategy to it that isn't immediately self-evident so much so that some people might think you looked up strategies

Online but deep down they know it's just because they can't come to terms for the lunch they had to buy you at the end of the semester six years ago anyway next time we talk more about making new friends I'll be diving into some

Specific things like frequency volume and intensity of interaction and explain the best way to have a conversation with someone the only way I know how which is through a four-minute monologue

You

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