Best Friends Get Brutally Honest about Gender Identity | Iris

published on July 2, 2020

as soon as I'm like I'm walking out my

front door I'm aware of what I look like

and I'm aware of what people might be

thinking and I just feel so

uncomfortable in my own skin because I

can tell that people are like staring at

me and trying to figure out what's going



we were at the same like bus stop she

had like the short hair I think she had

like some blue in her hair at the time I

approached her because I didn't want to

sit alone on the bus and I think it was

history from there we were both

introverts so I'm for sure yeah we like

we had good vibes a lot of people say

that I come off as intimidating but I

don't think that's really the case once

you get to know me I mean they say that

about me too coming out was really hard

for me as it is for most people the

first time I said it out loud would like

to you was really probably the first

time I really let myself accept it yeah

it was really hard but I knew that you

weren't gonna think differently of me um

to be honest I wish that I had handled

your coming-out differently I thought

like you know we're best friends we tell

each other everything

so when you came out to me I know I was

trying to make you feel comfortable and

like not making a weird thing so I kind

of like played it off like oh okay

so so what like let's go watch a movie

like I don't I don't really see this as

like something to like talk about really

yeah at the time I definitely like was

like what do you mean that say like this

is a big deal like can you give me any

like something more than okay or

whatever I do also regret not having

been like this is amazing like I'm so

happy that you're like finally like able

really come out and like you know

express yourself like express your true

self oh you're saying it now I identify

as non-binary or genderqueer and a lot

of people just take that to mean that

I'm confused or like I'm having

in any crisis but that's definitely not

the case there's a lot of people that

like or even accepting of trans people

like people who are assigned female at

birth but actually on the inside or vice

versa and they'll be accepting of that

but then they dismiss people who are

somewhere in the middle or like don't

even fall in the spectrum why can't you

accept that there's more than two

genders you don't have to be just women

or just the man yeah I think it's just

really hard for people who do identify

as just woman or just man to like even

think like what does that mean to be

like in-between like I just don't get it

so that means it can't be a real like I

didn't know what gender non-binary was I

didn't either until I realized that

that's what was going on with me oh my

god that makes so much more sense when I

see like people looking at you when we

go into like the bathroom were like the

fitting rooms or whatever I get into

like protective mode I'm like angry I'm

like what stay away from my child doing

why are you staring at her every time I

go into the bathroom I always have like

a pleasant look on my face and like I

try to even like change myself which I

hate like to like appear more feminine

so people know like it's okay you're


like I'll smile at people walking out

yeah one time I was walking into the

bathroom as a mom and daughter were

walking out and like I smelled at them I

was like no it's cool I know I I see you

and I know where I'm going into I'm

aware but I guess that didn't work

because then I was peeing in the stall

and then I opened this the thought the

door when I'm done and an employee's

standing there like right in my face

like a foot away from me like Erichs me

oh I feel like my

while I'm boiling I'm like what are you

staring at there's a person you've seen

people before as I left the bathroom I

saw that that employee was talking to

that mother and daughter and like the

rest of the family like about I got

through some misunderstanding like it

was a woman bla bla and like in the

moment I was just like it's okay just

smile walk away it's not a big deal and

that's something you should like worry

about but then like a few minutes later

I was really excited and say anything

cuz I like really affected me like I

just was made to feel like I was in the

wrong place for just doing my own

business so I use sheer they pronouns

everyone has their own preference so

like if you're not sure what pronoun

someone uses it's always best to just

ask I remember one time we were at the

realtor and you're waiting to like get

some check or something and the entire

time we were there this guy was calling

you you know him sir he and like I was

getting a little annoyed about it but I

could see that like you weren't saying

anything and I felt like it wasn't my

place to be like listen those aren't her

her pronouns are their pronouns you know

so I'm still learning about what I like

and what I'm comfortable with because I

know like even when people do use some

cheat him on me like it doesn't

necessarily bother me but it bothers me

that they might figure out that that's

not my actual pronoun and then they're

gonna feel uncomfortable and like be

super apologetic and like it's just

gonna be an uncomfortable situation all

around it was tough at first I will

admit like remembering to say they them

you're so used to like saying just

he/she know Andres I used to just

assuming like who's she exactly yeah

I mean I still make mistakes like I

still struggle yeah using their Craig

Browns definitely not like something

that's easy for everyone to do but as

long as you're trying and you're making

an effort I think the other person can

we'll be able to see that and that's

what's important it's a really a small

thing that you can do that just makes a

really big difference even even if they

don't make any comments I know I just

feel that like I'm not a lot to fully be

myself even if they're not gonna like

you know stop loving me like I just I

know that they wish I was different and

it like sucks that I can't do anything

about it I remember like you would avoid

getting a haircut before going home I

see that like a little bit longer and

your parents gonna be like oh you got

your hair cut again Lauren yeah I

definitely did that I'm definitely them

doing it less now which does make me

feel a little better but it also at the

same time puts me a little bit on edge

when I do go home because I can I have

to prepare myself

that's something I'm happy that that

you're overcoming that that feeling of

like I have to change for other people

to make them happy and I know it's your

family and you're doing it to protect

them but I think in the end for your own

sanity it's

it's better you're better off being

yourself yeah

this isn't like something you can just

fix and like change about someone's how

you're born and I think people need to

understand that and just accept no not

everyone's like you and that's totally

cool and it's like wonderful that

everyone's different

yeah it's actually great when in fact we

should celebrate that



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