5 Women on Overcoming Self-Hate and Learning to Love Their Bodies | Iris

published on July 2, 2020

I am ugly I'm too fat I'm not good

enough I'm not pretty enough closed off

like wallowing in my self-pity I was in

a mind frame of just kind of letting

myself go I remember calling myself a

lot of hurtful things I felt like I

didn't matter oh I'm getting emotional

I'm sorry when my best friend was

getting married she asked me to be her

maid of honor just a few weeks before

her wedding I was 200 pounds I hated the

way I looked in a dress I wasn't

confident enough to do it and that was

probably one of the most selfish things

that I've ever done so I met this guy on

a dating app and we made plans to go out

and then when the day was getting closer

I cancelled I said to him that my

allergies were acting up but I meant I

don't feel confident enough to meet

somebody new living in California I live

like half a mile away from the ocean and

friends would always invite me to go to

the beach and so I always would make an

excuse because I didn't feel comfortable

in my own skin to wear a bathing suit at

the beach I were my brothers bathing

suit which were long shirts to hide my

thighs at my heaviest there were times

where I couldn't fit in the seats of a

roller coaster I would just say to my

friends oh I'm busy that weekend I can't

go knowing full-well

I would have loved to have gone if I

didn't think that the embarrassment

would like destroy me in that moment

everybody feels insecure and if we share

those things with each other we realize

that we're not alone and it's not about

size it's about feeling good in your own

skin I like that I have a unique shape

because people are always like oh but

you're short and curvy and I used to

fight it but now I'm like okay I like my

curves like it's different so I started

at 200 pounds and ended at 160 and I

realized it's not about the number on a

scale but it's me being committed to a

healthy lifestyle so I was a size 24 but

now I'm a size 14 but I don't focus on

those but now with my body I feel like I

am growing until like being a better

person of myself I think what I love

about my body is

it's capability to transform because

probably lost about 130 pounds already

I'm still very much in the middle of my

weight-loss journey and I feel like I'm

currently setting the groundwork to

getting where I want to go when I think

back to my younger self I would

definitely tell her not to make excuses

where whatever the heck you want to be

proud of who you are you are beautiful

the next time I'm asked to be someone's

maid of honor I will say yes

the next time I'm asked to go to the

beach I will say yes the next time I'm

asked to go on an adventure I'm gonna

say hell yeah the next time I'm asked on

a date I will say yes the next time I'm

asked to surf show up in a beautiful

bikini and not feel embarrassed girl you

got this

[Music]

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